As the Giving Gifts Community continues to grow here in Ensenada, I've been noticing a fascinating tension. On one hand, I feel a strong pull to be entirely in and focused on this community right in front of me. On the other, I'm equally driven to connect with and update all of you who continue to support me and The Giving Gifts.
Many of you have been receiving these updates since the very beginning. You’ve seen the many faces of this website, experienced the shifts in mission and vision, and have most likely watched me sort through who I am as a person and who The Giving Gifts is as an organization.
What I've come to find fascinating about this tension is that the discomfort it brings is not something I want to shy away from—it’s actually something I find myself wanting to fully embrace. As the community here grows, so does this tension. There is for sure an instinct to ease the discomfort, AND I'm learning that my best self shows up when I lean into, and not avoid, this tension.
This tension appears to be an actual invitation, and the invite is to bring forward my WHOLE self. It's an invitation to share my knowledge, experiences, and gifts. It encompasses the deepest parts of my hurt, loss, disappointments, and it of course involves the impact of people from literally all around the world. To say “yes” to this invitation, I am also saying yes to continual learning, curiosity, openness, and connection to God, who I believe created me to be in the place to say yes to the opportunities that are unfolding.
Over the last two years, I’ve thought a lot about the risk of sharing my whole self with others. There is a risk of being rejected, a risk of being misunderstood, a risk of being too much or not enough, and what I’m learning is that although these risks are very real, I face the same risks if I don’t show up as my whole self. I face the same risks if I give in to the tension and don’t accept the invitation. So, risky as it may be, here I am, fully saying YES to the people and places that have shaped me this far and bringing all of that with me into the “yes’s” that will continue.
With all of that, I want to share two big “YES’s” that have recently taken place and are still unfolding this upcoming weekend.
YES to Shellebrate
This past weekend, I was given the opportunity to do a reading of Shellebrate for a “Dia del Niños” celebration. This was actually the first time I’ve done anything with the book here and the first time in almost a year that I’ve shared the book with anyone. I realized how much shame I’ve been carrying with Shellebrate—shame that I didn’t do enough with the book, shame that I feel like I kinda failed the plans with the book...and scared to share this experience with anyone. When saying “Yes” to Shellebrate, I got to invite a few people into this experience and honestly, I had so much fun. The reading was for sure a bit chaotic—the nerves were heightened, and I was reading in some kind of English and Spanish combo. I got to look out at this sweet group of kiddos and remember why this book is so special in the first place. I think this yes may have opened the door to a few more opportunities to say “yes” to Shellebrate that I am really looking forward to sharing.
YES to Grief
When planning May's cleanup, I realized quickly that it would take place on May 4th. May 4th will have been one year since the loss of Karimy, and honestly, my instinct was to just isolate and right away that tension was heavy, and I realized this is one of the opportunities where I can avoid or lean in. What I am learning about leaning in is that it is not always just a single choice and then it’s over; it’s an ongoing choice. I had to lean in when choosing to have the cleanup on May 4th, and again when choosing that the theme of this cleanup would be learning to share in one another’s grief, and again when letting people know the weight that this day holds, AND again right now in sharing this with you. Those are the big ones, but there are probably hundreds of little moments where I notice that choice, and I won’t sit here and say I am perfectly facing every one because that is definitely not true. I will say that the more I lean into the tension, the more secure, inspired, creative, courageous, and whole I feel, and the more confirmation I have that I am right where I need to be, doing exactly what I need to do. I am truly equally excited and nervous about this weekend and I know that holding both of those experiences is the most honoring way to acknowledge the impact Karimy has had in and will continue to have in my life.
With that, I want to extend this invitation to you: How are you showing up as your whole self in your life right now? How are you allowing the impact of people and places from both the past and present to influence you, and are you letting the people in your present have an impact? How are you sharing your "shellebrations" and your grief? These questions, I believe, will deepen the understanding of your gifts. When you know what your gift is, when you can identify ways to continue using your gifts in this world, I truly believe there's a possibility to inspire the use of others' gifts around you as well. Imagine the world we would live in if we were all able to share in the giving and receiving of one another’s gifts. What a beautiful world that could be.
P.s. I will definitely let you know how this weekend goes and if you want to see more of all the day to day happenings I’d encourage you to follow along on Instagram. It’s a beautiful problem that I haven’t been able to write a post for everything we’ve been able to be part of but it’s a lot and ALOT more to come as well!!! As always, if you want to know what’s goin on just reach out. This summer would be a wonderful time to come on down south and check out what we are up to for yourself!!!!